Heimweh

Commissioned by the Butte Symphony Orchestra and Dr. Luis Milan for their 75th Anniversary Season

Heimweh is the German word for what we typically know as homesickness. But directly translated, Heimweh sounds a little more like the ache or pain of losing one’s homeland. In my mind, I attribute this to losing a physical place, a person, or even yourself. In a day and age where chaos finds us in even the quietest of spaces, a wish for home inside oneself is wanted more than ever.

I researched the meanings and colors of different keys for this piece, with the hope that my choices would convey my feelings about the music to the audience as well.

The piece starts in a mix between B minor and D Major. This key was to symbolize triumph, of war-cries, of rejoicing. B minor was about patience, of calm awaiting one's fate, and of submission to divine destiny. This was the first stage, where one does not know what lies ahead and hopes that the Universe can guide them in the right direction.

Next is a mix of A major and F# minor. A major stands for innocence, love, and hope for a return to something beloved. F# minor is a gloomy key; it tugs at passion, with resentment and discontent following. This section goes on to symbolize the journey back, and the ups and downs of life. The piece ends with a blend of E Major and C# minor. E major is about noisy shouts of joy, laughing pleasure, and not yet complete things, celebrating a return to oneself and one's home. C# minor is the key to melancholy, passion, introspection, mystery, and deep emotion. Some say it can also evoke feelings of intimate conversation with God, friendship, love, and disappointment. Even as one heals, the melancholy of the past may still appear.

This piece is an emotional journey through the stages of finding that peace within yourself or in a new land. The piece starts with anger and fury, with anxiety running thick throughout. The potential for peace is there, but not quite discovered yet. Anxiety makes its way through the mind in different ways, sometimes chromatically, sometimes with staccato, pointillistic sections, and sometimes with slowly changing keys. But through it all, clarity begins to form. With the timpani as the heartbeat, the French horn rising from the fog of the strings, and then the brass choral as a symbol of hope, a harmonized call for quiet within the mind. The clarinet leads the strings with a heavenly ascension to the sky, reconnecting with one’s place on Earth and all of its moving parts. The anxiety returns, as healing isn’t linear. But this time, the melodies of resolve ring through, and the woodwinds trade off all the little melodic moments, with everything ending with a resolving English horn solo.